One of the biggest sayings that I’m not sure I like is “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” After countless things that left me physically healthy (thank God), but emotionally wounded, I can’t imagine how much strength it is that I need lol. Some experiences just leave me so weak. It changes me. I ponder on it countlessly. I think about it over and over to understand what happened, what could’ve been different, what could I do to change it. I easily tear up. It’s just overwhelming sometimes.
The good thing is that I’m starting to check myself. The moment my mind attempts to evaluate and rerun any situation, I clear my mind by just imagining a big open white space. If I keep thinking about it and obsess over it, I’ll never get past it. I guess it’s hard because I’m always in my head so much. I hate it! I’m too much of a sensitive person. I have to stop badgering myself and always trying to figure it out. I’ve realized that I cannot continue to let things cloud my mind that I can’t really do much about. I can’t go back in time. Today, I actually asked Big Man to give me that never in a lifetime opportunity to go back this oneeee time! I guess I’ve officially lost it. It’s just a challenge because my heart is pure and I always have good intensions. I just want to love, be loved, have a family with the love of my life, be healthy (physically and emotionally), laugh often, travel, have amazing life experiences, be successful, and spiritually fulfilled.
Sidenote: I’ve been having a little trouble sleeping at night and something I found extremely helpful is an app called Relax & Sleep Well.